You are not alone

I have a lot of embarrassing things in a journal I call my "private journal". But there would be, in a journal called that.

There is a reason I kept all those entry's. Stuff I maybe want to forget. Yeah, they are in the past. But they make me a person. And in my imperfections and mess up's God revealed His beauty and love.

I struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, LOTS of crushes, and self-esteem.
While none of those apply to me today, reading back on them made me remember how real it was. And I knew then, like I know now, that I was never alone in my struggles. And the same goes for you. You are not alone. Everything we experience, go through or feel someone else has felt too. That's the crazy thing about being God creation. He made us all with feelings and thoughts...it's only a matter of time before you find someone that has been where you are in the millions of people on earth or that ever lived.

I don't pretend to be perfect. I'd be such a big liar if I did. But I'm not going to share my faults and not share God revelations too. His revelations combated my faults. They combated satan's lies.

Yes, satan. He's real. And boy does he hate people who love Jesus. We threaten him. People who don't love Jesus aren't a threat to him, they are more like his pawns.

Looking back on writings from years ago, satan told me I was stupid, and I believed him. I believed him for a long time. It kept me from really embracing God's calling in my life and it kept me self-conscious. Boy oh boy would I beat myself up. It was so sad that recently reading them actually brought pain to my heart, to think I was ever so hard on myself.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Because I KNOW about depression.

I also know about happiness.

My true happiness happened when I was around 18 when I realized that everything that brought me internal pain was my failed attempts to find fulfillment in my surroundings. It was then, at the total end of myself and my confidence that I realized what I needed was always in front of me. Jesus. He wasn't just my Savior and giver of eternal life after death. But He was the lover of my soul...literally....LOVER. He was so in love with me, he kept quiet while I would go on my tangents. And I always thought that my "eternal amazing life" was just a tease because I couldn't experience it until I was dead....haha. But no. God gave me such a revelation I haven't forgotten to this day....ETERNAL LIFE began at my salvation. I started living in eternity the moment I said "Lord, I will walk with you no matter what" The moment I committed my life to Him was the moment paradise started. satan tried to keep me blind to it. he didn't want me to be happy. Happy people are contagious...depressed people are just annoying. I can say that because I KNOW I was annoying back then LOL.

Now, I can testify that people have told me I am contagiously happy. So BAM. there is the truth :)

But I've been the opposite. And for a girl who has known Jesus all her life, it even took me a little while to come out of that bubble of yucky thoughts. My hope is that by you hearing my testimony that you might realize God's Truth ABOVE what satan is telling you, and that you would know happiness wayy before I did.

Some people have different depression. Mine was internal, pure emotions. Some have outward depression, based off of something physical that's happened. Or verbal depression, based on unkind words spoken. Whatever reason...know that you are not alone...and you don't have to come out of it alone either. There are a lot of people who God has called to just be an ear for others to get things out. They are there for you. Look for them. If you can't find them, ask around. Then pray for God to bring you someone. Someone older, and someone involved in Church.

Nothing goes unnoticed by God. He cares about every little thing. He will provide a way for you to get better...but you have to keep your eyes out for it. Look around. Ask Him to show you.

THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW :)

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick...for I have not come for the righteous, but sinners" Matthew 9:12-13

"Come to Me all who are weary and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" Psalm 147:3

"Heal me O Lord and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved for You are the One I praise" Jeremiah 17:14